These are the times that try moms’ souls. Every day is a battle, and we don’t win every time. I’ve never been in a war; I’m at war every day.
Most days, I don’t even see the battles. I fight with every bit of strength I have. I fight hard. I fight proud. I fight long hours. I fight with purpose.
And other days, it’s all I can see. Every mess at my house. Every financial worry. Every springtime ant crawling into my home to steal my joy. Every carpet stain. Every toy. Every bit of mold on the shower tiles. Every pair of shoes left out. Every pile of dirty laundry. Every pile of clean laundry. Every smudge on every mirror. Every crumb on the floor. Every pair of pants that no longer fit.
“Here, Mommy. Here.” Clara brought me a whole roll of toilet paper. I cry a little harder that she knows the drill. I cry a little harder that her heart is so kind, and her love is so pure.
She lays her head on my lap and rubs my arms with her soft, soft hand. She sits up, puts her soft hand on my cheek.
“Are you sad, Mommy?” Her words creep out of the corners of her mouth while she clenches her pacifier with her teeth.
“I’m a little bit grouchy. I’m tired. I’m a little bit sad.” For all the things I’ve done wrong in raising my girls, I must have done some things right. They know how to step in and help in the most loving, giving ways. All of them.
“It’s okay, Mommy. Let’s lay down.” And we did. And I napped instead of fighting my battles.
It is okay. Just go lay down. The battles will wait. Listen to the wisdom of a 2 year old.
You have to take care of yourself too. Moms are the absolute worst at doing that. It’s not selfish. Yet…we feel guilty. It’s actually a lot better for everyone if Mom gets some care, too, but we don’t make ourselves a priority. We give and give and give and give…until we have a meltdown.
I’m sorry I cry so much. I’m not mad. I’m not depressed. Everything is okay. I win most battles. I lost a battle today.
Tomorrow is a new battle. And I feel determination welling in my chest. I will be victorious.
“Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.”
1 Timothy 4:15-16 NLT