Go away. I need some space.
Ten minutes. I need ten minutes. It’s a rule I came up with. Just leave me alone for ten minutes. And I will write 10 things you do right or 10 things I love about you.
And I will write 10 things I do wrong, 10 of my faults and weaknesses that I know I need to work on.
I promise I’ll be a different person in 10 minutes. And if you will just do it too. I promise you will be different too. Thankful and humble, we can both remember how.
Sure, we know how to be mean. How to be independent. How to do it all alone. How to be selfish. How to stab love in the face. We know how. We know how to knock each other to the ground. How to grind faces in dirt.
Do we know how to help each other back up? How to clean each other off? Dress wounds?
You want to name off all my faults? It won’t be hard. I have a lot of them. Think I don’t know them? But if you can just remember that I get a lot of important things right too, and I know you do too. If you can just give me 10 minutes to myself…I just might remember that you are my dream guy.
…or close enough.
I’ve never been good about being the first one to apologize. Go ask all my exes. But guess what? I love proving everyone wrong, in true eff-you fashion. Watch me do things you all think I can’t do.
1. You open my door. Even when we are in the middle of a fight. Even when it’s raining. You open it and you stand there, and how am I supposed to stay mad? Should I open the door to the backseat and climb in?
2. You work your ass off. Like…to the point of me worrying you’re going to fall over, and I’m going to panic and rush to you, and you’re going to jump back up, “I’m not dead, back it up…” And then you will go back to sweating and working.
3. You don’t complain. Life is so often the same monotonous battles…work, messes, obligations. You tackle them with determination and dedication and loyalty that are so admirable.
4. You are a great dad. Watching you with Rebekah is enough to warm my heart in its coldest states. You adore her. She adores you.
5. You are a great stepdad. You do things like give my girls money and drive them to go movies for no reason…you don’t make them work for 6 hours first.
6. You’re a great cook. Bratwursts, spaghetti, burritos, stroganoff… except for that glazed ham that you burnt, you keep coming up roses. Remember it? We scraped the crusty shit off and ate the good parts. Well…yeah. I can scrape the crusty shit off you too. And you can scrape mine off.
7. You can fix anything…and do. My sink, my van, my landscaping, my dryer vent, my heart…
8. You make me feel beautiful. I’m at my personal low point of physical attractiveness. But no one who talks to you would know that. You think everyone wants me, which is hilarious…and super sweet.
9. You forgive me. I know how to fight…really well, too well. And you don’t take my crap. Good. And you forgive my mistakes. Thank you.
10. You kiss me and touch me with loving tenderness. Not every guy loves like that, but it’s what I want.
1. I cry about everything. When I’m sad, when I’m happy, when I’m mad, when I’m touched, when I’m nostalgic, when I’m embarrassed…when I watch a dog food commercial. It can’t be easy to deal with someone like that.
2. I’m stubborn as hell. Sometimes, I will hold onto a grudge even when I know I’m wrong…just because no one can make me let it go.
3. Sometimes I spend money I don’t have. You know those carnival people who spin plates on sticks? And then they add another one…? Yeah that’s me and my budget sometimes. Spin spin spin. I got this. I can balance a stick on this other foot and…
4. I’m never wrong. I’m not easily convinced of anything. I can and will debate anyone. And I am very good at it, which…can be bad. I can wear a man down. Maybe that’s the same as stubborn…
5. I keep a list of wrongs. I don’t even know I do this until the next fight. And then my mouth will say all kinds of things that I didn’t even realize I had hidden in a dark corner in my heart.
6. I can be so mean. I can poison a dart and shoot it with sick precision.
7. I have very little discretion. I hide very little…for better or worse.
8. I need to lose weight. I’m the heaviest I’ve been in a long time. But I’ll flip a switch and drop it soon.
9. I can be lazy. How many days do I dump my laundry on the bed, hoping I’ll put it all away? …and then move it all back to the basket at bed time?
10. I can be insensitive. I usually know when you need a kind word, and I don’t always give it.
Do you think I don’t know? I’m damn lucky to have you. And you’re a damn saint for putting up with me. Think I can’t say I’m sorry first? Well, as usual you’re wrong and I’m right. I can do it.
I’m sorry, Keith.