I don’t sleep well. Probably 4-5 nights in a week, I only sleep 5-6 hours each night. And no, I don’t want pills; I want peace again. 

“Be anxious for nothing.” I know the verse. I understand its meaning. Do I live it? Knowing it…understanding its truth…living it. The miles between. 

Did you have to learn Bloom’s taxonomy in school? Or the steps of critical thinking? I learned about it in our school’s gifted program. I think about each level sometimes, think about where I allow myself to get stuck on an endless treadmill of digression…and why. 

God…why?


Do I overthink? Yes. Do I worry too much? Yes. Do I think that…if I think long enough that I will find the solution, that I will find peace? Yes, I often think that I will. Is it true? No, it’s not true. 

I will find…more information, more definitions to learn, more ideas to understand, more possibilities to consider, more reasons to worry. That’s what I’ll find. 

There’s no peace there crying on the edge of a bed, not sleeping. There’s no joy. There’s no love. There’s no worthwhile lesson. There’s no rest for the weary soul, the aching brain, the burning eyes. 

Why cry a prayer in your heart if you don’t quiet yourself long enough to hear the gentle response? Why scream it in your mind?

God isn’t my servant. I am not His petulant toddler…or well, maybe I am. But He doesn’t exist to cater to my demands. He has the answers. But I guess I’ll never hear them if I’m stomping and rebellious. 

I understand. I see my own toddler throw tantrums daily, and I understand how this relationship works. I say to my own toddler–“You can just sit there until you will listen to your parent, and I will wait until you are ready.”

It doesn’t matter what you know if you don’t understand it, if you don’t live it. 

The wisdom of men is foolishness to God. Even the smartest man on Earth. He takes the wise in their own conceit, confounds them. 

Help me be simple. And gentle. Please bring me your peace that no man can understand. 

Psalm‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬–

“Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.”

Philippians‬ ‭4:4-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬–

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

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