I suck at being adult. I want to say yes to everything everyone wants, and I say yes to way more than I should. Adults say no. And they save and they plan and they have stocks and shit. Not me. 

I hate paying bills. I paid them last month. And the month before. I don’t want to pay them anymore. Someone else do it. 

I hate cleaning my house. If you like me, if we are friends, then you are going to have to accept that I’m going to stop cleaning. Let’s just see who can hack it as my friend through that. 

Maybe after a few years you can all get together and get me on Hoarders. I will start collecting cats now. 

I hate driving a dented minivan that is falling apart in every way. I hate having patience to take a full minute to close the “automatic” power doors that are all off kilter and screwed up from living on a hill. 

I hate living in an old house at the bottom of a hill. I hate rain that slides down the driveway toward my garage. I hate the 854 trees that crap all their needles and leaves and pollen and seedy things ALL over everything. 

I hate leaky pipes and wet sheetrock and peeling paint and stacks of paper and dust and moldy tile and dark spots on the light carpet. What the hell are those dark spots?

I hate going to the grocery store. I went yesterday and two days ago and last week and all the damn time. Stop eating the food. Stop using every kind of every soap. Soap for the hair, soap for the hands, soap for the floor, soap for the clothes. 

I hate driving to 600 places every day for all 600 kids. I hate driving on hills and narrow roads and around 500 twisty curves. I hate trying to remember everywhere I have to go. Every $5 for this and $10 for that. 

I hate eating right. I want to have cake and ice cream and soda for supper. And I want to look and feel amazing when I eat that. I want that to make me stay thin and energetic like it did when I was a kid. 

I hate brushing my hair. I hate putting makeup on. I hate clothes. I hate washing them, putting them in all their little receptacle homes, going through them to get rid of some. I really hate the stupid clothes that won’t fit. If I tuck my fat into you, accept it and keep it inside…stop spitting it back out. 

I hate finding time to read my Bible daily for 15 minutes. Which is probably why I’m almost a month behind. Which is probably why my attitude is so horrible in this moment. 

This is my 3rd year to read all the way through the Bible (takes only 12-15 minutes), but you know what? I’m not going to lie…a lot of it, I’m like WTH?? This is some BS. So much violence and whoring around. Sorry, but am I supposed to pretend all that’s not in there?

If you drink, if you do drugs, if you cheat, if you eat too much or cry too much, if you wanted an escape. I don’t hate you. And I get it. I know why. You know? Maybe some people hate you. They hate me too. But I get it. 

It won’t work. Not for me. Not for you. It’s not the answer. And we both know it. But I get it, okay? Life is hard. Being an adult sucks. 

Okay, I’m good now. I love everything again. 

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5 thoughts on “I was born to be a kid. 

  1. ME TOOOO!!! ugh (see ur excerpt below). Thanks for being so raw. I had a little bit of ‘tude to get out on my blog about this today too. I try to be funny but it probably just seems like more persecution of Christians. BLAH. What a terrific …

    > I hate finding time to read my Bible daily for 15 minutes. Which is probably why I’m almost a month behind. Which is probably why my attitude is so horrible in this moment.

    > This is my 3rd year to read all the way through the Bible (takes only 12-15 minutes), but you know what? I’m not going to lie…a lot of it, I’m like WTH?? This is some BS. So much violence and whoring around. Sorry, but am I supposed to pretend all that’s not in there?

    Like

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